yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
