she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
