when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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