you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
