She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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