I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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