A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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