Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
