Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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