Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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