what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
