I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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