what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
