can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
