The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
