omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
