you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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