Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
