I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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