this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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