No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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