accomplished twins. life is a go
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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