Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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