you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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