I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
