they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
