dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
