It's Friday. Sex?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
