This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
