He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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