I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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