i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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