so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
