This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
