Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
