so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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