Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
