just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
