Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
