so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
