it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
