TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
