You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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