i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
