she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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