I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
