Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
