he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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