call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
