just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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