I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
