Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
