Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
