U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You took a bar mat shot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
