Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
