and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
