Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
