So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
