After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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