ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
