guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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