The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
