I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
