I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
