I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
