The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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