so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
