If that was your dad, he is hot
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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