Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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