does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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