Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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