my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
