you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
