My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
