i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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