FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
