I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
