Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
