it was like his penis was on wheels.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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