My liver just broke up with me...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
